the ultimate in navel-gazing

I've been thinking a lot about the purpose of blogs, well, my blog. I'm definitely into the idea of blogs and the culture of blogging; but for me, at least initially, it wasn't the freedom of self-publishing and possible subversion of the mainstream media as much as the delicious sense of acquiesced vouyerisim one gets from peering into someone's tiny world that was so appealing.
About 3 years ago, I was introduced to this Toronto-based blog via an ex-boyfriend's blog. It's mix of stream of consciousness and swearing and peppered with pictures of the blog's authoress in various states of undress. I thought she was strange, a bit sad, kinda cool, but incredibly compelling.

This is the first time I've looked at her blog for 2 1/2 years. nothing's changed, but I'm jealous of her complete lack of self-consciousness. sure the blog's a bit stupid, pretentious, but it's all a bit disarming. could I go as far as to say charming? maybe a bit smart and cheeky.


What I think I found initially intriguing was not why this guy I was dating had linked to her blog, but why she had linked to his blog. Did they know each other, and how?
There were some clues. A picture of her outside Vesta Lunch, a comment about a crappy apartment, seeing her walking down Queen Street.
I began discussing R and her bloggy thing with a few friends and apparently so did other people in Toronto. She began to develop quite the reputation among the blogging community as well as those at Sex TV( I think it was Sex TV), because they wanted to interview her.
Finally I just asked the ex-boyfriend. And this is where the whole blogging phenomenon and the online community gets really interesting. He had found her blog, thought she sounded interesting, and contacted her. He needed a roommate, she needed cheap accomadation and moved in. But not only that. He'd met several friends through the Internet. One of them was over at his house one bright sunny day, when R came out on the patio. Turns out she'd been chatting with said friend for months. Small online world.
So not only could blogs bring notoriety, fame and accommodation, they could form a legitimate community with links and functional relationships similar to the world offline, just a lot more interesting. Meeting people online meant that you had access to a larger pool, where accountants could meet artists and vice versa.
But slowly blogging has changed, becoming mainstream. Blogs are serious stuff. They lead to book deals, people being fired, and give government and popular media a run for its money.
Were does my blog fit in? I started it to keep in touch with people, but I feel silly just talking about what I've been doing in London because, frankly, I've not been doing much. At the same time, I'm not sure that anyone is interested in what I think about world affairs, etc, because I'm an obvious lefty, socialist type. Boring!
And in regards to feelings, they change daily. It would mostly be: I love London. I hate London. I want to be a writer. no wait, that's frivolous, I want to work for an environmental agency. but, no I really like the idea of being able to afford designer shoes. but how can frivolous shoes and non-profits be reconciled.
And sometimes I think that kind of honesty can come across as self-indulgent. especially in a blog.
But Meryn Cadell, for example, does the honesty thing wonderfully and manages to sound sincere and truthful. but then she had to express her truth in a very physical way and that must make writing it seem so simple in comparison.
What does all this mean for my blog? I have no idea. But I think if I keep worrying about pandering to my intended audience, you lot, my blog will get moldy and cobwebby from under use.